How I Came to Christ 20110115

From Catholic > Muslim > TJC

1. Introduction

In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, FaceJesus is here to interview Brother Michael Brenyah. He is with the London True Jesus Church and is the newly elected chairman of the board there. We are here to listen to his wonderful testimony of how he came to Christ, and of the blessings he has received from the Lord.

2. Growing Up Catholic

I was born into a Catholic family. My mother is a staunch Catholic, and I attended church when I was younger. So I have always known faith and religion. I remember praying the rosary with my aunt and uncle, who were also staunch Catholics. When I was young we would pray the rosary for hours, Hail Marys and prayers, so I was used to that. I suppose I grew up in a household of faith. My mother has always prayed, and she prays a lot.

Because of circumstances, I ended up in England while my mother was in Ghana. My father was here, and I went to school here for part of my education. At about the age of sixteen, I remember praying the rosary when it crossed my mind that I was committing idolatry. So I tore up the rosary and threw it away.

3. Searching Through Many Churches

From the age of sixteen until about eighteen, I can’t remember exactly, I followed some of my cousins to various evangelical churches. I would usually enjoy myself, and then they would ask, “Do you want to be baptized? Do you believe?” and I would say, “Yes, I’ll be baptized.” So I was baptized many times in various places.

One of the reasons I had left the Catholic Church was the doctrine of the Trinity. I had never really accepted it. At some point I became aware of Deuteronomy 6:4, which says the Lord our God is one. That verse became a banner for me, and I was always conscious that God is one. Wherever I went after leaving the Catholic faith, I would ask, “Who is God?” and if they answered, “The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit,” I would say, “Rubbish,” and leave. That was my test of whether a church was a true church.

4. Becoming a Muslim and Leaving

When I went to university in England I met a Muslim friend, who told me that Muslims believe Allah is one and the only God. I thought, maybe this is it. So I converted at university and became a Muslim. I think I took the name Mustafa. Like any new convert, I was enthusiastic and thankful. I went to the mosque, woke up in the morning to pray, did the ritual washings, and abstained from the foods I was not supposed to eat, though I was not happy that I couldn’t eat a certain sweet, Fruitella, because it contained gelatin.

Then things started to go wrong. One day I was wearing a T-shirt with a picture of the late Ghanaian president, Nkrumah, and my friend told me I couldn’t wear shirts with images on them now that I had come into the faith. That didn’t sit well with me. But the main thing happened one morning when we woke up to pray and we all had to face Mecca. As I was praying, it crossed my mind that I was committing idolatry. So that was the second time the thought had come to me, once in relation to the Catholic Church and once in relation to the Muslim faith. I got up straight away, told my friend I couldn’t go on, and stopped.

5. Law School: “Jesus Is God”

I went on to law school. At that time I was one of those disgruntled young people, and I had come to the view that maybe there was no God. I said the Bible was like the works of Shakespeare, written by the Catholics and the Jews to control people. I argued passionately that there was no God, but it’s funny, you go home afterwards and say, “Oh, forgive me, forgive me.” So I was a bit confused.

Then a brother from the London church, a man called Simon, who has since passed away, came to the law school, because his wife, Ellen, was a member of the church and was in my classes. Which church? The London church, the True Jesus Church. I always used to look at Ellen and think, “There’s something really special about this girl.” She was pretty, yes, but it was something else that I could see. We said hello to each other, and that was as far as it went.

In England the legal profession is divided between barristers and solicitors. In the old days only barristers could speak in court. The distinction is now blurred and doesn’t matter so much. I was doing the course to become a solicitor, and they were doing the barristers’ course. One day Simon, who was not a student there but had come to pick up his wife, was in the canteen at the law school, on Store Street near Goodge Street and Tottenham Court Road. I was minding my own business, or more likely eavesdropping, while he talked with another man about history and many other things. I can’t be sure of the rest, because I only know what I heard, but I heard him say that Jesus was God. I don’t think he remembers saying it, but that is what I heard. So I went up to him and said, “You’re right.”

He invited me to his house. His wife cooked rice and chicken, I still remember it, and we sat and talked, and he explained to me that Jesus is God. It was the first time I truly understood the Godhead: that Jesus is the one true God. I had always known there was no Trinity, but now I understood why. We talked for hours, late into the evening, and then I left. I was working and studying at the time. They invited me to church the following Saturday.

6. First Visits to the True Jesus Church

So I came to the church. I heard them praying in tongues, and I didn’t think anything of it. I just prayed in my normal way. By contrast, when I was younger, after I left the Catholic faith, my aunt had taken me to an evangelical church where they were praying in so-called tongues. One of the preachers put his hand on me, and the first thing I said was, “Heavenly Father, if you’re not here, protect me.” That is a very strange thing to say, bearing in mind that I had gone there as a visitor, but it was as if I instinctively knew straight away that it wasn’t good. So when I came to the True Jesus Church and heard them praying, I was quite calm about it. I prayed with them, and then I came for three successive weekends. In between, we had talks with Simon about faith, and we became very good friends.

Let me jump back a little. At law school, when I heard Simon say that Jesus was God and I told him he was right, not long afterwards his wife Ellen, who was in my class, came to the canteen. He introduced us: “This is my wife Ellen. She has the Holy Spirit,” and I said to him, “Yes, I know.” Looking back, that was a very strange thing to say. It’s as if things were outside my control and were simply happening to me.

7. Baptism and Receiving the Holy Spirit

After three successive Saturdays I asked to be baptized. The preacher, I think it was Shek, asked me, “Why do you want to be baptized?” I said, “Because of my sins.” They arranged my baptism not long after, in March or April of 1996.

They tried to phone me on the Friday evening and I didn’t answer. I think I had a moment of doubt about whether I wanted to be baptized. On Saturday morning they called again and said, “Come for baptism.” I said, “I hope it’s not too late!” and rushed to the church. We went to the baptism site and had some general conversation, I was fairly relaxed about things, and then I was baptized. As I came out of the water I felt physically light. They asked me, “Do you feel any difference?” I said yes, but I didn’t think much more of it. In England we have a newspaper called The Sun, so I bought a copy, and since it was a nice sunny day I sat outside the church reading it. Simon and Ellen weren’t at the baptism. We reached the church at about twelve, and they came at three.

Then somebody called me and said, “You’re going to pray for the Holy Spirit.” I went into the chapel, where I think Brother Bernard was leading the service. I heard him say that Paul said that among all the disciples he was the least. When we knelt to pray, I was saying “Hallelujah,” because I had been taught that you have to say it when you pray. I said, “Heavenly Father, you said that if I am baptized in your name, you will forgive my sins. Among all your disciples, Paul says he was the least. If he was the least, then I am the least of the least. You also said that if I am prayed for and ask for your Holy Spirit, you will give it to me. I am asking you for your Holy Spirit.” And I kept saying “Hallelujah.”

What I saw was something like a cloud coming towards me, like a pillar of cloud coming out of each of the members who were kneeling, moving towards me, because I was at the front. I wasn’t afraid. I kept saying “Hallelujah,” and straight away something entered me. My first thought was, “He’s there!” I went completely wild, and everyone who was there would testify to it. I cried and couldn’t stop crying, and between the tears my face would brighten. I cried, literally, for three days, starting from the church: my nose was running, my eyes wouldn’t stop, I was shaking, saying, “He’s there, he’s there!” I went to the front of the congregation and cried, “Oh, I didn’t realise he was there! Forgive me, I’ve sinned so much!” It was a very, very traumatic experience for me.

When Simon and Ellen arrived at three and saw my bright face, they said, “You received the Holy Spirit, didn’t you?” I said, “Yes, I did.” For me it was a great thing, and it shows the hand of God. Because I had been moving from church to church, He gave me His Spirit to anchor me in a true church. Once I received the Spirit of God, I knew God was true. That was the beginning of the journey for me.

8. Dreams, Visions and Signs After Baptism

I left the church and went home, and I had some very strange experiences. When were you baptized? April 1996, I think. When I slept, it seemed to me that the Bible was forming in my mind like a jigsaw puzzle. I have always taken that idea as God causing me to know.

I had a dream in which I saw the Pope, or rather the cloak the Pope wears, on a big seat, with someone sitting in it as if on a throne of power, the garment draped over him. It was not the Pope himself, but somebody, or some spirit, wearing his garment. I was quite small and I looked up at him, because he was a huge figure, and I said something along the lines of, “You have deceived the people.” He said, “You can’t prove it.” Then I woke up. I found it very interesting, because I took it as confirmation of the state of the Catholic Church not being the church of God.

At that time I was living with my son’s mother. We are separated now. When I went home I couldn’t stop crying. In between the tears my face would brighten, but as soon as I stopped I would start crying again because I was thinking about the sins I had committed. The heart was pining and crying. It was a very traumatic time. I saw a demarcation between light and dark, and the more I cried, the angrier she became. I told her what had happened, that I had been baptized and had received the Spirit of God, and she got angrier and angrier. She said she loved me, and I said, “How can you say you love me when you have no love in your heart?” To this day I’m not sure who spoke. The authority with which I spoke frightened her. It was as if I were speaking but it was the word of God speaking. That was that. And then we separated. I made confessions to her about things I had done and the life I had been living, and she couldn’t take it, nor could she take the fact that I had been converted. She came to the church, but nothing really happened for her.

Things happened that day to confirm things to me, so that in the years to come, if my mind ever had doubts, I could easily ward them off. When I got home, my body was at an angle, as if deformed, and what I could see inside me was like another skeleton. It’s very difficult to describe, but imagine your own skeleton. It was as if I were wearing somebody else’s skeleton. My body was tilted. I can only compare it to someone hanging. If Christ was hanging as he was crucified, the body is at an angle because of its weight. I could see that within me, my chest was like that. And at my side there was an indentation, like a hole. Your chest was leaning sideways? I could see another skeleton inside my chest, leaning sideways, and at the same time there was an indentation, like a hole at my side. Was this a dream? No, no, this was something I could see. I had got home, I was sitting there crying, and my body was like that, at an angle. It was as if I were wearing somebody else’s body, Christ’s body. It was as if the Spirit inside me had taken the form of his skeleton, so that my body hung at an angle, and at my side was a hole, like where he was pierced. I think they call it stigmata, but that is essentially what it felt like. This was just around the time my partner was crying out and I said to her, “How can you say you love when you have no love in your heart?” I was shaking, because these were new experiences for me.

Because it was her flat, she kicked me out, and I had to go and stay with friends, lying on the floor. I had no money. I remember once, in Battersea, sleeping on a friend’s floor, with no money and hungry, I was walking down the road when all of a sudden I could taste honey in my mouth, the sweetest thing. I take all these things as signs given to confirm my faith, so that if doubt ever comes, because as the years go by you sometimes think, did I really receive the Spirit of God? What is my relationship with God? Where do I stand? These things are always with me.

9. Law Versus Grace

At that time there was great conflict in the church over law and grace, whether we are saved by law or saved by grace. When I was younger I felt that the church put too much emphasis on law, on things you had to do rather than trusting in Christ, and I was very vocal about it. Which church has the conflict? True Jesus Church. I felt they pushed too much on the law, keeping the commandments, rather than trust in Christ. Without an understanding of the grace of Christ, I felt it could cause some members to stumble or suffer mental difficulties, because of what happened to me after my baptism.

When I went to law school the Monday after receiving the Spirit, I thought I was going crazy. Thoughts kept crossing my mind, and because I had been baptized and had received the Spirit, I kept telling myself, “You can’t think that way anymore.” If I looked at a girl and thought she was pretty, I would think, “I can’t think that way anymore.” But thoughts come into your mind and go away, and you can’t control them, so I was tormented. I sat in the classroom holding my head in anguish, telling myself, “You can’t think this way, you can’t think this way.” The law was effectively condemning me and trying to kill me mentally. Then Simon came to me and said, “Michael, God didn’t call you because you were good. He called you because you were a sinner. There is no individual without sin whom God has called.” That set my mind at ease. It actually liberated me mentally. I was able to understand that thoughts come and go, and the main thing is to focus on Christ.

That is why law and grace was a big issue for me. Because if you preach the law without fully understanding, you can cause people to feel constantly that they are sinning before God. Discouragement. Discouragement, yes. Despair. Yes. We all sin before God. It is Christ who makes us sinless. We talked about this in the early years of the church, and it led to a bit of conflict, but we all knew we were children of God, so in the end it was all resolved.

10. My Family’s Reaction and a Vision of God’s Mercy

I remember preaching to my family. It was very difficult. The night I went home I phoned people and said, “God is there! I’ve received the Spirit of God!” I said, “I feel like a man who has been in darkness and has popped his head out into the light.” People asked, “Are you all right?” Everyone thought I had gone mad, though in many ways they didn’t. Even now, when my family sees me, they are a little apprehensive, because I think within themselves they know that God has been with me. “Fearful” is not quite the word, but there is a certain look in their eyes. At the time they mocked me, and some of my friends disappeared because they thought I had turned mad, into a weirdo who only talked about Christ. I reached a stage where there was effectively no family, no friends. It felt like it was just me and God. That was actually quite good, because it set me up with a very good foundation.

After I was kicked out I lived from pillar to post and ended up in Croydon. One day, sitting on the train on my way to church, I still can’t say whether it was a dream or a vision of some sort, I saw the church being lifted up, and I had been left on the earth, the only person left, as if at the end time. I ran after the church as it went away, and I said, “Lord, have mercy on me.” He said, “I will have mercy on you,” and I was lifted up. I was half asleep, half awake. What that episode did was establish for me that my relationship with God has always been based on mercy. He has blessed me with an idea of the mercy of God, and I always start from that position, even when I look at other members of the church. I don’t know how other people see God, but I have only ever seen him as mercy. That is the platform on which I deal with my faith.

11. Marriage, My Son, and a Visit to Ghana

Eventually my son’s mother came around. We never got back together, but she let me see my son. For two years there was conflict and I couldn’t see him, but now everything is fine. Then I got married to Pat in the church. We were married eight years ago. In between, I tried to be of service as much as I could. I wasn’t on the church board until three years ago, but I still tried to preach to people. I would pray and preach.

Have you been to Africa? I went to the Ghanaian church ten years ago. My mother is in Ghana, and so was my grandmother, who raised me, and I was very close to her. Before she died, I went to Ghana to see her for the last time. While I was there I went to church, which was quite good. The conflict over law and grace was very much on my mind, and I remember sitting in the Ghanaian church bubbling to say something. Then, as I went through the Scriptures, I came across Ecclesiastes, I can’t remember exactly, where God says something about not entering the house of God to speak foolishness. I remember being cut by it. I am always aware of the power of God to make you understand things. He has always blessed me with a desire to know.

12. Prayer and Fasting

After you received the Holy Spirit, did you start praying and reading the Bible? I did. In the early days I prayed a lot, because I loved the feeling. The Spirit was very sweet. Even when I was staying at my cousin’s house, I used to sneak into the toilet just to pray, for no reason other than that I loved the sensation of the Spirit and the joy it brought. There is great joy in the Spirit. Even now, when I pray, I talk to God about lightness and the joy of the Spirit, and that, apart from mercy, is always on my mind. No matter how I feel when I pray, I know it is possible for me to get into a state of joy and light.

How long did you pray? In the early days, any excuse. When I came home I would pray. When I woke in the morning I would pray. Sometimes I would be completely consumed by the love of God, start crying and pray for hours. Sometimes I would pray for an hour, sometimes half an hour. I also fasted a lot in the early days, because I loved how fasting made me feel. I always felt closer to God, and I felt fearless. If I fasted and went to work, my heart felt completely protected, no matter what anybody said or did. So I know the power of fasting. I could fast for two or three consecutive days: I would fast on Saturday, feel so good that I carried on through Sunday, and feel so good that I carried on through Monday.

What did fasting do for you? Make you purer, more godly? More godly, yes. It makes me feel closer to God. I could feel my body growing weaker and the Spirit of God growing stronger. What it did for me was allowed me to speak without fear. It made me fearless.

13. Reading the Scriptures

Did you spend time reading? Reading is my passion. I always tell people I like reading anyway. At any given time I am reading four or five books at once, and the Bible is one of them. Especially now, with the iPhone, when I am driving to work I read a chapter on my phone, and when the traffic stops I read as I go along. My wife always says, “Be careful you don’t crash the car.” When I come on Saturday, I am also reading during the service. I listen to the sermon, and when the preacher mentions a verse I go to it, but in between, while he is speaking, I read a different chapter, one I have already read in the car. So when I read it in church it is a second reading, and I underline, make notes and highlight as I read the Bible. At a very early stage I said to God that I wanted to know everything he had ever said. That was the foundation for my reading of the Scriptures.

14. A Different Understanding After the Spirit

When you read the Scriptures after you received the Holy Spirit, was it different? One hundred percent different. It made logical sense to me now. Because the Spirit of God inspired the writing of the Scriptures, and those who haven’t received the Holy Spirit cannot fully understand them. I took the view that those who wrote it were inspired by the Spirit, and now that I am inspired by the Spirit I can understand what they wrote. Things became clearer, for example, the idea of the one true God, the one and only God, became clearer and clearer. Recently, last year, in the midst of great difficulties at work, the one constant was the Spirit of God, the Scriptures and a greater understanding. I came to understand that effectively the Spirit of God is Jesus, and that the first thing Jesus did in the Spirit was create an image for himself, God created a body for himself. That helped me understand what people call the Trinity, which is not really a Trinity, because the Spirit is Christ, the image is Christ, and the Holy Spirit is Christ. God made Christ for himself because he needed a body in which to reside. A lot of things became clear in my mind. But the main thing was that I wanted to know: I thought, these are the things God has said all through time, and so there is always a passion to know.

15. Reading Life Through the Scriptures

Some people say it is like seeing in 3D. Was it like that? The jigsaw puzzle I mentioned earlier was very important, because I think it was a confirmation that I would understand. What the Scripture does for me is this: I look at life, and what I see is that the Scripture is like the blueprint of all of life. There are times when I notice something, and then I find it in the Scripture. For me that is confirmation that we, as children of God, because we have the Spirit, know the things of God.

So you read the Bible umpteenth time? Initially I went through the New Testament. I would go from Matthew to Revelation, start again, Matthew to Revelation, start again. One of my favourite books was John. I went through John over and over and over. Each time you think, “How come I didn’t see that before?” Recently I said to myself that I wanted to know more, so I started going through all the books I hadn’t read: the major prophets, Isaiah, Jeremiah, and then Genesis. What I am doing now is looking at life outside me as I read, and seeing how everything we see outside comes from what God has said and makes sense of it. Because of that, I think the Bible will always be with me, because I am not reading it just for Saturday. I am reading it just to know the things of God, which we need in order to understand life.

So, as I said, I am reading about four books at the same time. I think I am reading Shakespeare’s Richard III and Goethe, among others. I have one book I read when I go to bed, one I read when I am in court, one on my iPhone. But the constant is the Scriptures. I read them when I drive, and on Saturday, if possible, I try to read maybe three chapters while the service is going on. It is over and over and over, because I want to know everything God has said.

Does it feed your soul? One hundred percent. For me it is food. Every time he shows me something I feel uplifted, because I actually love to know. It is God talking to you himself. I love the idea that God is talking to me through the Scriptures. It is not that someone speaks to me in a physical voice. It is through reading the Scriptures.

16. Understanding Through Prayer

The Bible is, for me, like the key to understanding what is happening around me. Together with the Spirit, it has allowed me to understand human nature and to walk in a godly way in relation to other people. We are not the first people on the earth, and God has spoken in His ways to people, so knowing the ways of God makes things easier. That is why I have such a passion for the Scriptures. I like it when my mind is made to understand.

I keep various sections on my iPhone, and one of them I call “meditation and divine will.” When I understand a particular point I make a note of it. I have been making notes for years. If I read something and later things become clear, I note it down. I remember writing that I have come to understand that we have to try to live in the kingdom of God rather than on the earth, and that this normally requires prayer, because without prayer you can’t be in the kingdom. It is difficult to remain in the kingdom without prayer, and certainly without reading the Scriptures too, because the ways of the kingdom are set out in the Scriptures. When you read and understand it, you want to read more. There hasn’t been a week that has gone by when I haven’t read.

Do you ever feel the Holy Spirit interacting with what you are reading, teaching you as you pray? Yes, yes. If I read something I don’t understand, then as I pray it becomes clear. Sometimes you go from not understanding to understanding, and I ask myself: what has changed between your not understanding and understanding, apart from the Spirit of God? When a passage is confusing? I would ask in prayer. As I pray I meditate on it, and then it becomes clear, because I have come to realize that the Scripture itself is very simple. The ways of God are simple. The difficulty is having the mind to see the simplicity. Sometimes when I am praying it suddenly clicks: “Oh, now that makes sense.”

For example, I was talking to my wife recently about John chapter 1, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God.” People wonder what that means. To understand it, the Word is Christ, and the Word is the Spirit of God. Some people have difficulty with that, so I say: look at Jeremiah. The first thing he always says is, “The word of God came upon me.” So the Word of God must be the Spirit of God, because that is the only thing that comes upon them and enables them to understand and speak the things of God. I make a note of things like that now.

17. God in Every Interaction: Life as a Criminal Lawyer

I find that I am always mindful of the things of God in every aspect of my life, whether I am driving, in court or talking to people. So you see God in everything? Everything. Every interaction is God. I understand your profession is criminal lawyer. That’s right. Sometimes I think it is a bit dangerous for me as a criminal lawyer, because I can become very persuasive, since God is with me. The danger is winning an argument when you shouldn’t. But I suppose I say that the final judgment is still with God. He causes things to be or not to be. Recently, if I lose, it is difficult for me, but I am more accepting that this is also the way of God. In the old days I used to win more often than not, just because I was too forceful in my argument. Now I accept that sometimes you can lose because it is also the will of God. For me, everything is the unfolding will of God. That is how I see my life.

Do you feel conflict defending basically sinners? I must say I once had a case where a man had done the most horrible thing, which I won’t mention. I got him a very low sentence, and when he shook my hand I felt a loss of virtue. I felt I had lost something. When I see other solicitors and barristers, I can tell from their faces that they have become a bit darkened by what they do. In my case, because the Spirit of God is with me and I am able to pray, I am always being refreshed, which keeps me light. Otherwise, as criminal lawyers we are participating in the sins of others, especially when we help them escape the system.

So you don’t feel conflict in your profession? No. Not at all. As I said every thing basically is by the will of God and you try deliberately not to evade or pervert justice, but everybody who needs a lawyer is entitled to one. That is the system we have. I am always reminded of what Christ said to Pontius Pilate, that he had no power over him unless the Father willed it. So there is a Father who has set things in place, and in many ways it doesn’t trouble me too much.

But when you associate with criminals and learn about all these sins, does it sting you? I think that when I pray, God has given me a mind that forgets things very easily. For example, sometimes someone does something to me and I decide never to speak to that person again, and the next time she sees me talking to him she says, “I thought you weren’t talking to him.” I had forgotten. So He washes your mind. That’s what it is. The mind just clears. If I don’t deal with something today, tomorrow there is no guarantee I will remember it. I have come to the realization that very few things have importance. I think that is also a blessing from God. Very few things are important. We hold on to things, such as grudges, that we consider so crucially important, but I realize most of it is nonsense. He has given me a mind that lets things go very easily. I often say, when I speak in London: if it means I am foolish, then let me be foolish for God. If I am stupid for letting things go, let me be stupid for that. I don’t really live for people. I try to live for God, with the idea that if I live for God, in the end I have a good relationship with people. I have been very fortunate, and because of that I don’t get too offended by the things people say or do. I don’t think it is really them. It is just something we have to deal with.

18. Losing My Law Firm and Learning to Live by the Spirit

So that was the Scriptures, and then the Spirit. The Spirit has always been very important to me. In the last two years I went through great difficulties with work. I used to run my own company. I had my own law firm, and I had to let it go. You left your law firm? Yes. I was very successful early on, and I saw the hand of God in that success. I was making a lot of money. But then the government restructured the way it pays for legal aid, what in America you would call public defenders, which in England is more lucrative, because there is a whole system of it. The government restructured the whole thing and pulled the carpet from under my feet, so the company went downhill and it became too difficult.

I saw the hand of God in that too, because in the midst of all the difficulties, spiritually things were great, and my understanding became even greater because of the difficulties I was in. I realised that for the children of God we have to accept that there will be great difficulties in order for us to be close to God. It takes time to get used to that idea. Otherwise you keep asking, “Why is God against me and all the rest of it?” I have had all the permutations of that argument. I often say that God must laugh in heaven, because I am a troublesome individual who is always asking him, “Why? Why? Why?”

But last year I learned the significance of the Spirit. The only way to survive in our faith is to learn to live by the Spirit of God. For me that has become the most important thing. We are also going to talk about the fact that I have become the RA Religious Affairs chairman in London. I saw that as significant not because I am anybody, but because my mindset is: how can the children of God learn to live by the Spirit of God, and not by their own spirit, their own self and effort? All of this came from what happened in the last few years, with all the mists of my difficulties.

Let me give you an example. My accountant made a mistake, so that I owed the government £50,000 in tax, and I had already spent the money. The government is after you, you think you are in trouble, and you wonder how you will get out of the situation. One way or another God always delivers, but while it was going on there was a tendency to worry. So there was great conflict between what was going on physically and the spiritual state. But at each stage God was pushing me towards Him, towards greater reliance on Him. When we are comfortable, the mind doesn’t really focus on God, whereas in the midst of difficulties the relationship with God is definitely closer. At the end of those two years I learned the significance of the Spirit of God. I think it is in Corinthians that it says no one knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man. So no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. I have come to realize that it is the Spirit of God in you that makes you you. If you can’t rely on it, or pray and stay there, then you can only be yourself. So I am now aware of two conflicts: the self on one part, and the Spirit of God on the other. My mindset now is how to live by the Spirit of God as opposed to my own spirit.

Your body is the temple of God. A lot of times you want to be the master. Exactly. I now see that you are like a vessel, but within you there are two conflicting spirits: the spirit of the self and the Spirit of God. Whichever you choose to live by determines who you are.

19. The True Church and Human Weakness

That is why, even within the church, I don’t take too much to heart what people say. If somebody in the church doesn’t forgive, you know it is not the Spirit. It can only be the self. You almost have to pity them rather than respond to it, because we know that if it is the Spirit of God, we will forgive. If somebody doesn’t manifest love, then it is not the Spirit of God. Sometimes people come to church and say, “How come you are a church and you behave this way?” They don’t realize that those behaving that way are not submitting to the Spirit of God. They are still living by themselves. God made me understand that, so it is a very clear picture in my mind.

What is your concept of the True Jesus Church as the true church? It is definitely the true church. There is no doubt about it, absolutely no doubt. People look at the weaknesses of people and leave, saying it is not the true church. They haven’t understood that the true church has the Spirit of God. All my experiences, and everything that happened to me up to the point when I came to the church, were confirmation that this is the true church of God. I had been to so many churches I can’t tell you. I had been baptized so many times. I had become a Muslim. I had searched the other religions. Then He brought me here and gave me the Spirit, and everything that happened to me was so traumatic in order to confirm to me that this is the truth. After that, no matter what happens, I know it to be the truth, but I also now understand the weaknesses of men. If somebody comes to the church and sees people not manifesting the things of God, and then leaves, they leave in error, because they have looked at the people’s faults rather than at the Spirit of God.

So now, as part of the church board, my thinking is always: how can I encourage the members to submit, to mature, to become Christ-like? I said upstairs in the London fellowship that whatever our desires are, we have to understand that we have been called by God to be transformed into Christ, and that transformation only takes place by the Spirit of God. Unfortunately, without that understanding, we go around in circles or we still live according to ourselves, and in that state we end up saying, doing things that are against the Spirit of God. That is what causes people to take offence, because everybody has an idea of what a church should be like. If we don’t manifest that, it is because we are not relying on the Spirit of God, since that is the only way it is possible.

For me there is no doubt about it: the True Jesus Church has the Spirit of God. It is the True Church of God, and on that I will argue till I die. But within it there are individuals, and as individuals the question is how you change. If you don’t want to be angry, how can you stop yourself? How can you say, “I don’t care that this person offended me. It is irrelevant, no big deal”? As I said, I have been fortunate to have a mind that doesn’t remember things, which is quite useful. “What did you say?” “I can’t remember.” It is of no consequence, and this is where the Spirit of God comes in. If you look through the Spirit of God, you are not living in response to what people do. Your mindset is always set on Christ. My big concern for the church at the moment is how everybody can have that same mindset. Then the church would be in a great state. It’s true, sometimes I come to church and look and think that things are not the way they should be. There are still too many grudges, too many people angry about things that happened too long ago, which they are still sitting on. Sometimes I wonder if people will ever change by themselves, but I am pretty confident that God will change them. It was quite encouraging today even to hear Preacher Liang speak, because effectively he was saying the same thing: relying on the Spirit of God in the things we pray for, rather than just doing things. Sometimes people do things and think they are all right. Sometimes, we do administrative things, so we think we are all right, but there is no point doing administrative things and then, when it comes to forgiveness, not forgiving, while justifying yourself by saying, “I have done service, so I am all right before God.” God is not really care for burnt offerings or concerned with issues like that. Sometimes people say, “I’m not coming to the service.” I say, “Do you really think the service is for God, or for you?” Like the Sabbath: the rest is not for God. You think that because you are worshipping him it is for His benefit, but it is really for yours. It is a matter of understanding.

20. Called to Serve on the Church Board

In the last few years, I was minding my own business one day and they held elections. I sort of knew. I was sitting there and this feeling came over me, “Oh no, they’re going to vote me in.” That was three years ago, and I got voted in. I started as secretary, because I am a lawyer and normally take notes. Then, one thing led to another and I ended up becoming Fellowship in Charge, which I still am. I said, “If we carry on like this, by the end of the term I’ll be the chairman,” because every few months something would happen and there was a complete reversal of roles. So I ended up becoming the Fellowship in Charge as well as the chairman. I also became responsible for general affairs, maintaining the building. I had to make sure the lights were working, the carpets, everything. I think I have always had the mindset, “Just get it done.” I think I fit well in America: don’t think too much about it. Just get things done. Everything is possible, so just do it. I think I have always been blessed in that God makes me think quite logically, and I always look for the simplicity of things.

21. Faith and the Mind

Was your mind always like that? No, everything I know now is because of my faith. I meant as a student. I was very active, but I wouldn’t say I was bright. If I have become bright, it is because of the Spirit of God, what He has done for me. That is why I always tell the children, “Because you have the Spirit of God, you are all geniuses.” They always laugh at me. I said the same to my son: if you are going to make me happy, there are two things, obviously study, but have faith in God. The logic is this: if you have faith in him, there is nothing you cannot understand and nothing you cannot do. That is the mindset with which I approach everything: because God is with me, it is possible for me to understand everything. I sometimes wake up and something I didn’t understand yesterday is clearer today, so I am always looking for the simplicity of patterns.

So your IQ increased because of God? I think so, I think my understanding of things has. I can read more complex books. I like literature, I like the classics, and I can understand science better. I understand things now that I didn’t understand at school. In the years from when I received the Spirit of God until now, it is as if the mind has increased, because I approach everything from the point of view that everything comes from God. It makes me understand the simplicity of all things. I watch a lot of documentaries on history and science, and each time everything is brought back to the idea of God. Even things like evolution don’t concern me, because I know everything is of God. There is an element of evolution within creation, and I have no problem with that. It is a question of understanding, which people lack anyway. I study a lot, and still read and watch documentaries and programs on science, with the idea of bringing everything into God.

22. Becoming Chairman

When I joined the church board it was a bit acrimonious at first, but I have been fortunate that wherever I have been it has been peaceful. I always prayed to God about that. Even when I have gone to places that began in conflict, by the time I was there, I would always say for my sake God made it peaceful, and I am always thankful for that. This board did not start peacefully, but by the end of the term it had become quite peaceful. Unity. More united, yes. Then we had the most recent election, I was voted in, and by a process of default you end up becoming the chairman: “Oh, how did that happen?” Initially I didn’t really want to do it. I thought it was too much for me. But eventually I said, “Okay, I’ll just go with it and see how it goes.” The more I thought about it, the more I thought, “If this is where you find yourself, then you have to make use of it.” So I keep praying to God all the time. I have become more mindful of the church since I became chairman. My prayers are more directed towards the church than myself, and I am more concerned about people coming together. I have seen more things that are not good, which I am praying to God that the church will grow out of that state.

23. Praying for Unity

So you have the challenge of growing unity. That is what it is, growing unity for the church. That is my main thing. A closer fellowship? A closer union among the members. How can the members draw closer to God? And to each other. And to each other, yes. If I have one idea at all, that is my main focus, and all my prayers are toward that. Sometimes, within the church, people are still not talking to each other because of past conflicts, and it really pains me, because it doesn’t sit well with the idea of Christian faith in Christ. It violates 1 Corinthians 13. Exactly. I find it very difficult to see people pray, get up, and still be in that negative frame of mind, so I can only pray to God to help His church.

Even today, it crossed my mind that the reason we have to pray for each other is that the Spirit is one. If you think about it, because the Spirit is one and not divided, when you pray at one end it should affect the whole Spirit. Even though it is in us individually, it is one collective. So if you pray, it is supposed to affect the whole church, and equally. Hence, one negative can also affect the whole church, because we are united. I have become more aware of this. In London we have a three-year term, and I am hoping that at the end of the three years term we will be in a better position than we are now.

24. Why I Do Not Preach from the Pulpit

Are you leading any sermons too? I’ll tell you what happened. This is a very strange one: I can’t actually give sermons. It is almost difficult to remember the exact detail, but God told me that I shouldn’t go on a pulpit. Everyone knows. I think it is particular to me: as humans, there is a tendency to idol worship, look at people and consider them to be something. The danger is that, because you can speak well, people look at you and think you are something. Very early on I was told that every time people think something of you, it hurts my faith and hurts them. They have been trying for years to put me on the pulpit to give sermons, and I never do. The only thing I do is the eleven o’clock Bible study, because there I am sitting on the same level as you. It is as if God was saying we are all the same, whereas the pulpit has a tendency to elevate people and make them like Moses: “them and us.” So I have always been very reluctant. It is hard, though. It is very hard. But you can share in the fellowship. That is what I do, and it is better for us to share in the fellowship, in a medium where everyone can talk. I only do the Bible study at eleven, and even when I go to South London it is still the same level. South London are about to buy a building, and I told Pat, “They don’t realise yet, but when they buy the building, they will have a pulpit and I won’t be able to speak anymore.” But I understand why, because I understand the nature of it. If I am inspired by God to speak, and I know he has blessed me a lot so that I have come to understand a lot, I can see the danger of people thinking too highly of me. People always idolise the gifted preachers, and then the gifted preachers fall. So it is both for my sake and for theirs. When I tell people I have been told not to go up there, everyone asks, “Who told you?”

I always make the point that, for us, the relationship with God is primarily in the Scriptures. I always encourage people: Look, we don’t have flights of fancy. We don’t have the idea that God is talking to me and me alone. That is why the Bible is so important. It is the word of God for us. I think in Corinthians Paul says that between him and Apollos they have written down figuratively everything that has happened so that people may not go off on their own minds, start seeing things and doing things that are not of the Scriptures. So I encourage people that, in order to be united and not go off on different tangents, we all focus on the Scriptures.

25. My Son

I have two questions for you. How has your busyness affected your child? Are you able to balance church and him? I have been very fortunate. Is he living with you now? No, he is gone with his mother now, but he lived with me until last year. We only lived together for a year. Other than that, he used to stay with me on weekends. Now, because he lives quite close, he comes every Saturday to service, and sometimes in the holidays I have him for a while. What does he think of the faith? His faith is actually not bad. When I discuss things with him, his understanding is very good. How old is he? Fourteen. Is he baptized? He is baptized, and he has received the Spirit. It would be hard for him to understand. It is hard for him. But his mind is good, and he has been blessed with a very gentle spirit. He is very fearful of me, which I think is quite good, because even when I am not there, the fear of what I would think or do, if I became aware, seems to make him walk quite well.

I remember going to his school once. During his school report the teacher was giving a very glowing report, but he kept looking at me to see my reaction, and when I said, “Well done,” he burst into tears. The teacher looked at me as if to say, “Does he beat his son or something?” I have never hit him in my life, but he has been given a very fearful spirit. Very early on I told him how important it is to develop a relationship with God, because I said, “I don’t really care what else you do after that, well, I do, obviously, but you can have all the A’s in the world, and if you don’t have that relationship, I don’t care.” He tries to balance it. Sometimes he says, “Dad, I think heaven may be contained within the sun.” I said, “No, it can’t be, because the sun came afterwards.” It was good, because it shows his mind is thinking.

Does he read the Bible? He does. He has adopted that from me, because when he lived with me, every morning when he woke up I would be reading, because I go through phases where, when I am home, I wake up, pray and read in the morning. He would be getting ready for school, walking up and down in the sitting room, and see me reading. Now when he comes to church he sits there and does the same thing I do: he listens and reads at the same time. I think you can take in what people are saying while you are reading.

I do say that I would have preferred it if he lived with me, because I think he has more of his mother’s character than mine. That is one of my only regrets. If he had lived with me, he would have picked up certain things from a very young age, because I tend to keep things very neat and organised. But all I can do now is try to teach him how to think properly and clearly. I think the ability to think clearly is all from God, so that he can say, “This is what I am going to say, and this is why,” and there is no confusion in the mind. For me that is very important. It is true that God is a God of order, and I think order relates to everything we do. I am very particular about always working out patterns and looking for the simplicity of things. You mean efficiency? Efficiency, yes, being precise and clear-minded about exactly what you are trying to do. For me that is very important.

26. Work, Sleep and Organization

So, Brother Michael, what happened after the two years with your business, your profession? I have now become a consultant, and I am actually enjoying it more now. I have attached myself to a company on a 70/30 split: I still get the work and do the work, and then the company takes 30 percent and I get 70. Before, when I had my own company, I could send staff to do things. Now I have to do more of the work myself. On the other hand it is better, because any financial gain is the direct result of my work and comes to me. Before, as the boss, I had to pay salaries and overheads, and then whatever was left I would split with a partner. So it has worked out better, I think. The long term is still ongoing, but it is much better for me. It also takes less time, so there is more time for God. I think the time is always there, because I am pretty efficient. I am always surprised at how much you can accomplish in a day if you really want to. One Thursday I went to three different places in London and saw three different clients, and by three o’clock I had finished and was hitting golf balls at the golf range, because I love my golf. I used to say all the time that the truly lazy people are actually very efficient.

Do you sleep much? No, my sleep is not very good, because I tend to think a lot. I wake up at one or two in the morning and think everybody else is awake, and start sending emails. I have never really been a great sleeper. I think I lost the ability to sleep when I was doing my A-levels, because I was up all the time studying, and it was the same at law school and university. I can go to bed at eleven, wake at two and be really fresh-minded, but then I know I am in trouble in the morning, because between two and seven I am awake. But it means you can accomplish a lot. I watch my recorded programs and documentaries during the night and then begin the day. I try to get catnaps: in the car, ten minutes of power nap, and then I wake up and carry on.

Now that you are doing so much church work as well as your own work, is there a feeling of burden or yoke at all? No, I have been very fortunate. The way I was trained as a lawyer is that if I have a thousand things to do, I still realize there is a priority, a pattern, dates for everything. For example, if I have fifty clients, they are not all taking place at the same time. I keep very good diaries. Everything I am told, I try to keep nothing in my mind: if you tell me something now, I put it straight into my calendar and the alarm goes off to remind me. Everything is organised. For example, tonight when I leave here I have to see a friend to pick something up. That is recorded, and once I have done it I can delete it, and it is finished. Tomorrow morning I have a prayer session, then I am supposed to meet a client at 12:30, then I have a lot of typing to do. Everything is detailed. That way, when I am free, I am free, rather than having so many things in my mind, and then forgetting something or panicking. If you tell me I have a hundred things to do, I know they don’t all have to be done at once. I organize my schedule. I did this when I was in general affairs, because there was a lot to do with the building: you realize you can do this on that day and that on that day, and everything is organized. The main thing is keeping a clear head.

27. Prayer, a Light Yoke, and God’s Help in My Work

I still know that God is in control. When I pray, it is the same, for a clear head and for wisdom, and when I think about things in the morning, the answer normally comes. Is that why Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly”? Exactly, yes: “my burden is light.” It is true. You don’t get stressed out. A lot of people doing church work get all stressed out. I don’t really get stressed out. I have seen that. I think it’s because either they’re taking on too much or they’re not resting enough. Or it is because they are not as organized as they should be, or because they are not praying enough. I think prayer is probably the biggest thing, because it really elevates you. When my mind and heart feel light, everything is easy. So the essence is prayer, and organization is like your feet. Yes, that is basically it. I pray, and that gives zeal and a clear mind, and I don’t panic. Then there is the efficiency in organization: this has to be done on this day, that on that day.

Anything I think is going to be difficult, I do pray about it, and at some point in the morning when I am lying there I think about it, and some idea comes into my mind as to how it should be done. Then I normally go with it. Even in my normal work, if you come to me with a problem, I may not have the solution for you today, but what tends to happen is that I pray, I go to bed, and at some point while I am lying there I get an idea as to how I am supposed to approach it. And God gives you that. That is what it is, an angle that I can use. When I have a trial, for example, I normally have a case theory, how I am going to present it, and that comes to me sometimes when I am brushing my teeth. Some thought comes into my mind and I think, “Okay, I’ll go with that.” So God is helping you. One hundred percent. Otherwise I can’t do it. I would go mad.

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